OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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