well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
