i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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