Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
