If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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