holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
