It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
