Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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