Betty ford says i'm here all night
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
