we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
