every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
A+ Viking dick
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
