The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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