Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Never underestimate the power of titties
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
