I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
