so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
