I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
