We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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