I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We have so much sex to catch up on
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
