You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
