Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
