That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
