Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
