What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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