I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
