R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
