They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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