Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
