Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
