I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
