I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
