Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
