There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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