I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Are my feet made of real feet?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
