I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
