Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
