I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
