Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
