She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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