Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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