he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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