I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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