The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
