she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
