I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want her autograph on my taint
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
