Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
