Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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