apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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