I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Randomize
