u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
