On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
